Ahoy!! From Target

Friday morning rush to target….

·         Park the car… CHECK!

·         Get child out of car seat… CHECK!

·         Find cart that doesn’t squeak…. CHECK!

·         Place child in well oiled cart… CHECK!

You push off for the journey into the large maze and as your eyes dart around to decide where to begin, suddenly your child yells “Look Mommy!!! She’s a Pirate! She’s wearing a Pirate! A pirate!!!” (and the pointing begins…)

I glance in the direction my toddler is pointing and spot a poor women (I think this was a women) with an eye patch on, clearly embarrassed by my toddler calling out her disability and referring to her as a … ahem… pirate in the middle of a crowded store. I give my best smile/smirk/shrug and chuckle and speed off into the nearest aisle I can blend into.

Now as parents we ALL do our very best to control our potty mouths. My co-workers and close friends all know that I swear like a fat Irish man in a pub but around my toddler I usually have self control.

I have replaced “Oh My God” with “Oh My Heavens” and “Damn” with “Darnit”. But let’s face it, we all slip up and occasionally mutter “shit” when we can’t find our ATM card or forget to feed the dogs.

But how as parents do we curb those curious minds from connecting the dots that are so obvious to them?

·         Child sees women with eye patch and calls her a pirate. I mean it makes sense doesn’t it?

·         Child sees little person and yells “look mom a Munchkin!” Can ya blame them after watching the Wizard of Oz on repeat for 2 weeks?

The sad fact is that we can’t scold them for this. Sure we can explain that everyone is different and our differences make us unique but at the end of the day embarrassing moments like this are going to continue for a long while I imagine! Part of me never wants these moments to cease.

I think maybe we should embrace these moments because soon enough our innocent children will automatically censor their own fleeting thoughts just like the rest of the world….

For now I will try to enjoy the Pirate comments, the Munchkin mistakes and the fact that if I accidently say “shit”, my daughter usually says “Mommy, SHIT is a bad word. We don’t say that. Now you’re going on the naughty list….”

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS...

To the wonderful people who read my blog.
My sincere apologies for the hiatus I took. I am writing to let you know I am back in the saddle and gearing up for some new and exciting posts.

Thank you for reading!

Parenting Antics Bite Back...

My hubby and I have a bad habit of speaking to each other in heavy New York accents. (Think Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny). It is not uncommon to hear us jokingly conversing with one other saying things like " Get outta heeeeeeeeeeeaaa". A always gets a kick out of this.
To my shock and amazement this past weekend while waiting outside the bathroom for A to go  (She insists on everyone giving her privacy when she goes to the bathroom) she suddenly yells....

" IT STINKS IN HEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAA" in the thickest New York accent.

Needless to say I burst into a fit of laughter and now she knows this gets a laugh. A few days later we are in a crowded restaurant bathroom where every stall is filled and locked and the bathroom is somehow quiet except for the sound of the random flush.
A shouts at the peak of the silence " IT STINKS IN HEEEEEEEEEA!"

And of course our own antics bite us in the ass.

What in the world is "Gig-au-dia?"

Growing up my family has always used "Italian slang words" that aren't really Italian at all..
For example, eggplant camponata is called "Ga-ba-da-dean".  Marinara sauce is pronounced "Ma-da-nod". Why? I have no idea. Another word I grew up hearing was a word pronounced " Gig-au-dia". It is supposed to mean "nothing.". Why? I have no idea.

We took a family trip to Target for some Christmas decorations right after we all had dinner. My daughter ate 3 pieces (small) of pizza and as soon as we walk into target she immediately asks " Mommy do you have any snacks?"
What is that all about? She is full and wants no more dinner but the moment we clean the dishes, put away the food or step foot anywhere, she is suddenly hungry again.

I reply " A, you just had dinner. Mommy doesn't have any snacks."

A: "What's in your bag? Can I see?" (referring to my purse in the cart)

Me: Baby girl, I have Gigawdia!! (spoken in a dramatic and very poor Italian accent)

To which she replies innocently and sweetly...

A: "Can I have some of that?"

For the next 30 minutes I tried to explain that the term " Gigawdia" meant that I had 'nothing"... once she finally got it she continued to repeat the word over and over throughout the store. :)

Simply too cute...

Does she look like me now??!

It is a funny feeling to house a baby in your tummy for 9 long months only to have it pop out looking identical to your spouse. While I think my daughter is beautiful, that's not the point. He did about 10 minutes worth of work!!! How is it that she looks JUST like him??

So in the early months I scrutinized my 3 month old baby looking for signs of "me". One day I found a wig and as you can see I put it on my unsuspecting child and sent it to my best friend with the title "Does she look like me now?"!! To this day her and most all of her co-workers keep this photo handy for the bad days. I am so glad it brings joy to so many.

Last year I thought I should probably continue the tradition and on Halloween after I was 'Dora the Explorer" I begged and pleaded with my 2 year old to please please let Mommy take a photo of her with the wig on. She was not happy. I bribed her with something and although she offered not even a hint of a smile, I still got the photo which one day she will laugh at with me (I hope).

 

Now that she is 3, she has a mind of her own. While getting ready for work she found the wig to my Sue Sylvestor costume which looks something like a Donald Trump wig. She asked why I didn't wear it and she tried it on. The lightbulb went off and I thought ,  OMG I need to capitalize on this.

So I said : "Hey A do you want to try on mommy's Dora wig???" Naturally she said yes...

So here is Year 3's version of "Does she look like me now?!"

As you can see she LOVES it. She asked me if she could wear it to school and then proceeded to watch sesame street while wearing it. A - M - A - Z - I - N - G!  This brought me so much joy in the morning.

My Old Souled Toddler....

While having family dinner last week we decided to put on X Factor because typically A loves shows where kids dance/sing etc. Willow Smith happens to be on stage performing and A says with the casualness of an old soul;

"I used to dance like that when I was a kid...."

Me: " When you are a kid??!?"

A: "Yeah, when I was a kid..."

Me: "Then what are you now?!?"

A: she looks right at me, raises her brow in shock at my question and says; "A Toddler!"

aah.... silly me.......
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Hubs and I are new fans of the pandora app on our iphones. We are plugging in some favorite artists from the 90's to reminisce when an old Blue's Traveler song comes on. Hubs says "Remember this song? When was the last time you heard this song?"

A chimes in.... "Oh yeah. This song reminds me of me and mommy..."

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Here's the heart breaker....
While eating lunch in our eat in kitchen, out of the blue A says;

A: I would be so sad if I didn't have a mommy......

I am baffled and running through every show and movie she has seen to warrant this thought! Coming up short I ask:
Me: Who do you know that doesn't have a mommy??

A: Well.... Nonni (my mom) doesn't have a mommy.... and Abita (hubs' mom) doesn't have a mommy.......

Me: Everyone has a mommy but some people's mommies are up in heaven.

A: I would be sad if I didn't have one....

T E A R........

She baffles me every day just like I am sure your children do or did when they were small and began to uncover the truths in this world.  I still am unsure why she said this out of the blue and I am sure at some point in the near future the truth of where this came from will reveal itself but for now I am just gonna relish in the sweetness of it all....

Pee Pee Foot

Even when we put our best parenting foot forward, we all have our moments where we are, well, not so shiny…. I had one this weekend. 

In my personal opinion, overalls happen to be one of the cutest pieces of clothing you could put a child in, even if they are the most impractical of all items for a toddler whose bathroom habits are slightly inconsistent! 

Yesterday I mustered up the energy to take A to the park where we could begin to attempt our annual holiday photo shoot. (Since I am a photographer I take holiday cards very seriously and typically we do about 5 – 6 shoots before I find all the right photos. Poor kid). This being said I dressed my darling little one in overalls and a peter pan collared long sleeve shirt with a darling sweater over for this particular segment.

Before we left the house I asked the most important question of all; “Do you have to pee pee?”.  

She said no….

We arrive at the park which is less than a mile from our home but a pain in the ass nonetheless with our props and cameras ready. I begin directing my toddler and notice she is shaking her hips from side to side….. Uh Oh. This is a bad sign. 

She says “Mommy! I have to pee pee!”. Naturally I ask “ Can you hold it for a few more minutes?” (First parenting strike against me) and she says “NO Mommy!!”  as she continues to shift from side to side. 

There are NO bathrooms at this park. None. So I did the only logical thing…. I opened the front car door and the back door and I stripped my kid in the parking lot leaving her socks and shoes on and told her to pop a squat really quick. She looked at me like I was crazy but trusted that this was totally legal and no big deal (Strike two…)

She obliged and moments later I heard sweet sound of tinkle on the pavement. Alas, my photo shoot is  NOT ruined!  Things were going pretty well until I realized she must of REALLY had to go as it quickly turned into the scene from a League of Their Own when Tom Hanks just can’t stop!  Suddenly, I noticed the steady stream flowing neatly  downstream has now shifted to RIGHT down her leg and all over her SOCK/SHOE…..

Oh shit!!! I exclaimed, not wanting her to feel bad I giggled awkwardly. (Strike 3 for mom).  Panicking, I look around for my wipes or a towel or any kind of something to wipe my kid off with and I then realize I am in my husband’s car where there is nothing…  My hubs and his fucking clean ass car!!

I try and teach her how to “drip dry” (thanks college!) and just when I think we are gonna be ok with just one pee pee soaked sock, her underwear fall out of my hand and into the puddle of pee.    Sweet.

Mind you it’s a crisp 50 degrees outside and her tiny coolie now has a red patch on either cheek.  I am thinking BOY I am a terrible parent! How did I not just DRIVE right home and let the child pee in peace!?

So we have a giggle and I call her “Pee Pee Foot” which makes her laugh and she goes commando. We live with one wet pee pee soaked sock and continue on our shoot. The show must go on right!? What a trooper my child was to endure the humiliation of a mom who lets you squat in between two car doors in the parking lot of the park.

Like I said…  A whole new set of issues…..  I LOVE YOU A!

*I now plan to invest in this Folding Travel Potty that allows you to let your child pee/poo in the trunk of your car in peace.